My Own Private LA

Confession pt. 2

myownprivatela — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:43:33 +0000

I’m either writing structured articles or spectacle scoopy stories for work, or my ideas here for play, but hardly ever do I just sit down and let my imagination and pen wander. It’s not a crime not to, but I just stumbled upon a blog full of short stories written out of pleasure and I thought, “I want that” — I mean, I want to do that.

Elevators and benches

myownprivatela — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:23:41 +0000

In an instant, you can make a lasting friend or you can ride the next six floors in awkward silence. Yeah, I talk to people in elevators-what’s so strange about that?

Two images stick in my mind: (well, a lot do, but these pertain to the post)

1. I’m in an elevator with five or six people, and I recognize one guy from the party the night before. He’s cute and I remember that he was a good dancer. I’m pretty sure he makes a glance of recognition. In my mind I think about saying, “hey, I saw you at the party last night!”, then I think, ah, he might not remember me, and the elevator is going to stop any time, so I keep silent.

2. I’m waiting for my ride and I spot a cute guy sitting on a bench writing in his journal, which automatically interests me. He glances over at me and semi smiles and I stay nonchalant. I think about sitting next to him and introducing myself, but he looks pretty absorbed, so instead I sit down a few feet away and pull out my own journal. So here we’ve two people sitting three feet away both writing in black moleskines without saying a word to each other.

Everyone’s afraid of rejection, but I’ve never met anyone who didn’t want a friend, so here’s a goodbye to silly inhibitions.

Pressure

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 11:05:26 +0000

When you’re really good at something, there’s fear of a disappointment. My heart would beat madly before the race. I would get anxious before the jump ball. I almost dreaded that start whistle.

But when it came to game time,

I was conscious of only the concrete, my shoes, and my muscles. I knew only the ball, my teammates, and my opponents. I heard no other sounds as I awaited the clear ring of the whistle.

Yes, there’s pressure, but it’s alleviated once the passion kicks in.

Hard to Say

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:48:14 +0000

Once every so often girls discuss their ideal guys with their friends, their moms, their dads.

Girl’s response: “nice, smart, funny, and cute”

Dad’s response: “very rich, very nice, maybe good looking”

My ideal guy is the person I just click with, whose energy is electric to me, and I can’t predict what will bring that about.

Glorification of Sky Diving

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:08:35 +0000

I’m far from conservative but I don’t think people need to sky dive to make their lives exciting. Many of my friends believe sky diving provides ultimate source of vigor and have sky diving on their ‘to do before dying’ lists. They say they would be thrilled to sky dive, but I think it’s just talk. I’ve seen these same people shy away from the tiniest risks, so it’s difficult for me to imagine them plummeting from 12,000 feet in the air. 12% of women who sign up for sky diving training quit because of fear of bodily incontinence, and a significant number change their minds moment before jumping. I’ve heard of many marines quit after much training because of fear of jumping out of the plane. I’m not admonishing skydiving, but I’m just saying, it’s not all fun and games. I do have three friends scheduled to skydive within the next few weeks, so I’ll update once I hear from first hand experience.

Forced changes, forcing a change

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 09:25:19 +0000

I think we all need change once in a while to keep us fresh and alert, and to keep life interesting. Many of us fear change, whether it be going to a new school, finding new friends, or even taking a new route to work. Sometimes though, when I’m feeling I’m in a rut or just restless, I feel the need to bring about that change myself, ‘force’ a change, if you will — disturb the flow of my universe.

Most of these changes are subtle, many superficial — maybe a new outfit, a brightly colored nail polish, less wasting of time. I’ve been wanting to chop of a great chunk of my hair and I’ve been shopping for new wardrobe; I want to do something different everyday and go to places I haven’t been.

But what about when a great, dangerous change has been thrust upon me — will I be ready for it? Most people think I’ll do something different, something special. I’m not quite sure what that is yet, but I’m ready for it, and I know I can’t just sit around waiting for it.

What New Earth

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 09:03:05 +0000

A few days ago, my mom’s boss gave my mom and I two copies of ‘A New Earth’ to read and discuss — why, I’m not sure — but he’s a very intelligent and kind man, and since he bought us two copies, I felt obligated to read it.

I consider ‘A New Earth’ a self help book, which is why I am apprehensive about reading it. I see them as self help books as for vicarious escape for people who dislike their lives: most people know that spirituality and enlightenment are more important than the ego and material possessions — most know it, but few act on it, and confirming that knowledge on paper does not necessarily confirm anything in real life. There are no concrete solutions no a happy life, no secret formula. These books sell a false pretense of ‘awakening to your life’s purpose.’ Cmon, it takes more than 300 pages to find purpose. Above all, most self help books are poorly written and I can’t help but feel literature has been downgraded when I walk into Borders and see an overwhelming portion of the weight-loss, spiritual-improving, soul-finding variety, or look at the best sellers list on Amazon. And maybe it’s just the cynic in me, but I don’t believe these authors are the enlightened gurus they portray. Ah, okay, they’re selling an idea, not themselves, but I wish they’d acknowledge humanity (flaws, troubles, truth) in the books. Human beings have egos: most of my friends think I’m not superficial, but yes I am attracted to beauty and I’ve some vanity. The thing is those aren’t the only things within me. Optimism, which I encourage, I think is about seeing the good within the bad. Selfhelpism, however, is often about setting high and noble standards that are unrealistic.

I am reading ‘A New Earth’, slowly but surely. I’m trying to read it with an open mind — an occasional eyebrow has been raised in sections involving ‘en’-lightened flowers and animals and cursory allusions to religion — but if this book truly does enlighten me, I will be thrilled and unashamed to pass along my copy.

(Some of) My Friends

myownprivatela — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 08:34:16 +0000

Maybe, just maybe, that previous blog was a hint of my subconscious wanting to indirect tell my friends why they see so little of me. In hindsight, I know my subconscious pretty well.

“You spend the first five years trying to get with the plan/ And the next five years trying to be with your friends again.”

-LCD Soundsystem

I hope that’s not me, but it sounds like the stories of many of my friends’ lives…maybe that’s why the song is called “All My Friends” and was generally regarded as the top song of 2008. So I guess it’s not just an immature thing to feel pressured about friendships — it gets harder as we grow up because we care more.

The Milk of Human Kindness

myownprivatela — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 09:08:05 +0000

Often I say kindness is one of the most important characteristics a person can have, but what does kindness really mean?

1. someone who agrees with you?

2. someone who compliments you?

3. someone who is generally gentle and benign?

Kindness to me means the quality of genuinely caring about others. A kind person might not even seem superficially kind on an every day basis, but when it counts, he/she will go the extra mile. It’s easy to sense sweetness on first impression, but it takes a while to know kindness.

What makes a song?

myownprivatela — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 08:05:52 +0000

Timeless? A favorite? Repeat worthy?
1. I connect with the song; I feel it was written for me, about me.
2. I can imagine the scenario; the song captures a mood, a feeling. It could have been written for a friend.
3. I admire the musicianship and the writing — the song makes me think, although I may not completely understand it.
4. It is just darn catchy.
5. It is just beautiful.

I will list songs I like that pertain to each:

“Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley

Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah